When Regina Whipped the Dark One
by foshizzlemyrizzle
Summary: Crackish story of Regina summoning the new Dark One, Emma Swan.


Regina paces behind her desk, wearing a path into mayoral plush carpeting. Pausing mid-stride, she picks up her phone and checks it for messages. With a frustrated groan, she plops the device back onto her desk and taps a few keys on her laptop. She shakes her head, muttering about irresponsibility and nonrefundable co-pays.

"She leaves me no choice," the mayor mutters as she regally waves her hand, revealing and releasing the protective spell over her desk. She slides the deep bottom drawer open and pulls out the Dark One's dagger. Sinking into her chair, she delicately traces the blade's etched lettering with her fingertips.

EMMA SWAN

With a deep breath and a soft kiss to cold metal, she clears her throat and makes the incantation. "EMMA SWAN, I summon thee."

The blonde suddenly appears in the guest chair, eyes closed and elbows propped up on the expensive desk. Her hands seem to be holding an invisible sandwich and she leans forward, sinking her teeth into empty air.

"What the hell?" Her bright eyes dart around the room in confusion and finally land on Regina, silently demanding an explanation.

Regina holds her gaze, arches an eyebrow, and curls her lips into a half smile. With a deep breath, she begins to slowly enunciate.

"I. Need. You. To. Take. Henry...To. The. Dentist."

The new Dark One rises from her chair in exasperation, fists clenching as she begins to prowl about the office. The mayor's eyes track Emma's movements as she repeatedly walks away and returns, appreciating the view from every angle.

"I would take him myself but this town council meeting has already been postponed twice-"

"Just hold on," Emma interrupts. "You summoned the Dark One... to take Henry... to the dentist? Really?"

"Yes. I did."

"Unbelievable! This is an abuse of power, Regina. You are supposed to be protecting the dagger, protecting ME from villains 'with malicious intentions', but here you are..."

Regina smiles, letting Emma continue her rant, as she tunes out the blonde's voice and just savors the visual. Her eyes travel up black leather knee-high boots, linger on snug black jeggings, and drink in the tight blood red tank top. Teasing edges of a black lace bra peak out, framing creamy cleavage. The mayor licks her lips and inhales deeply as Emma drones on. "...of course villains have malicious intentions. That's what makes them villains..."

Regina nods, thinking Emma's black leather jacket really pulls her ensemble together. She takes a moment to ponder the juxtaposition of leather and lace, and wonders if Emma's panties match her bra. She shrugs. She'll find out later.

"...but the dentist? The dentist, Regina! This isn't dagger worthy. This is what text messages are for!"

"I did text you," Regina replies as she rises from behind her desk.

"Huh?"

"I texted. I tweeted. Emailed. Voicemailed. Facebooked. I even Instagrammed. I tried every method of communication I know except smoke signals, Emma. You may be the all powerful Dark One now, but you still need to charge your phone."

Emma digs out her phone from the tight back pocket while muttering colorful expletives. She slumps back into the chair, squinting and smirking at Regina. Pointing her finger at the phone, she whispers, "forever fully charged," and smiles as sparks emerge and the battery icon turns green.

"Very impressive," Regina whispers.

Emma jumps as various notification tones begin sounding off. Checking instagram first, she squeals like a kid on Christmas morning. "Boobs! Yes!" Regina rolls her eyes as Emma taps her screen and whispers, "Background pic."

Emma moves on to voicemail and smiles lasciviously as the unmistakable sounds of Regina's moans fill the room. "... yes... Emma... right there... yes..."

Emma laughs wickedly. "You can summon me like that anytime you want." A few more taps to her screen and she whispers, "Regina's ringtone..."

Regina glares as she walks around to the front of the desk and leans against it. "I was getting desperate, Emma."

"Yeah. I got that." Emma's eyes roam up Regina's body from the tips of her spiky Jimmy Choos to the ebony tresses she likes to call hairporn. On the trip back down, her eyes rest on her queen's own dark gaze. She can't stop herself from leaning forward and softly stroking royal hips.

"So," the blond whispers as she pulls Regina down to straddle her lap. "Now that the dead phone dilemma is solved... what can I do for you?"

The mayor inches her tight skirt up so that she can comfortably sit astride Emma's legs.

Regina leans forward, resting her head against Emma's, keeping her lips just beyond reach of the blonde's seeking mouth. "Take our son to the dentist," she whispers.

Emma leans back with a sigh and runs her hands down Regina's hips until they reach the hem of her queen's skirt. Her fingertips disappear beneath the designer fabric, her thumbs stroke silken inner thighs.

"When is his appointment?"

"In forty-five minutes."

Emma raises her eyebrows, pondering whether they have enough time.

"When is the meeting?"

"In fifteen."

Emma chuckles, "You are truly evil."

"I'll make it up to you."

"You bet your sweet ass, you will."

"Hmmm," Regina teases. "You should know."

"Mmm," the blond agrees.

"Take my car. Do not take that two-wheeled death cycle."

"It's a Harley-Davidson."

"I don't care what you named it, Emma. Our son stays off of it."

Emma giggles and wiggles her eyebrows. "Maybe I can give you a ride on it later. Would you like that? Do you want to ride my crotch rocket?"

"Don't be crass, dear." Regina leans back, stretching to reach her purse from the edge of her desk. Emma grabs her waist to keep her queen steady and catches a glimpse of royal panties as her skirt rides up even more.

"Are you trying to kill me?" the blonde whines.

Regina straightens up, her bag in hand, and feigns confusion. "Did I hurt you?"

"Nothing to worry about. Just a raging ladyboner."

Regina grins as she opens her purse and reaches inside. "Here are my keys, Henry's insurance information and a credit card. You have to wait thirty minutes after his fluoride treatment before he can eat or drink. Let him practice driving after the appointment. Not before. Only after or you'll run late. Feed him something that won't undo all the expensive dental work."

Emma blinks slowly as she nods, not really listening, just watching Regina's mouth move.

"Then drop him off at the sheriff's station with your father, come back here, and you can have me on this desk."

"What?"

"Have you heard a word I've said?"

"Yes!"

"What did I say?"

"Um, dentist, driving lesson, food, dad's," Emma's eye glazed over as she whispered, "desk."

Regina smiles and bites her bottom lip. "I'll even let you top," she teases.

Emma scoffs as Regina gracefully removes herself from the blonde's lap. "Let me? Let ME top?" she raves as she watches her queen pull her skirt down to a proper mayoral length. "I top whenever I want to top."

"Of course you do, dear." The mayor bends over her desk, packing her laptop and printouts into her briefcase.

"I am the product of true love, Regina. My powerful heart knocked the queen of hearts on her ass. I slayed a dragon. The fact that she resurrected somehow is irrelevant."

Regina continues to gather what she needs for her meeting, nodding as Emma works herself into a frenzy.

"I am the sheriff of this town. I am the savior. I am the mother fucking Dark One."

"Yes," Regina croons, her voice lowering as she turns around and pulls Emma up from her chair by the lapels of her leather jacket. "You are indeed."

Their lips meet and the anger drains from Emma as she loses herself in the passionate kiss. She pulls Regina closer, her hands drifting down to caress her queen's curvaceous backside.

Regina leans back, remaining in Emma's arms, and wipes her lipstick from the blonde's mouth.

"Occasionally being bottom does not make me submissive," Emma counters.

Regina's eyebrows arch at the word occasionally. "Of course not, dear."

"I'm just tired... and I enjoy the view."

"Whatever you say, dear," Regina's eyes sparkle with mirth as she locks her briefcase and hooks her purse over the crook of her arm. "Lock the door on your way out."

"Wait." The Dark One looks around in confusion. "Where's the dagger?"

"I put that away ages ago," Regina states with a smirk. "It's locked up and spell protected. We're good to go."

Emma watches Regina's ass as she sashays out the door.

"I'm the Dark One," she tells the empty office. "I top."

Regina's laughter echoes down the hall. "Don't be late!"


End file.
